Virtual learning is tough. Your child is staring at the computer screen, is knee deep in online assignments, is missing their friends, and you’re trying to keep up with your own work at the same time. It’s probably getting easier, but it’s. still. hard. If your middle schooler is anything like the students I work with, they’re beyond ready for things to get back to normal. And you are, too! Developing executive function skills (a.k.a. all the skills we need to help us get stuff done) is hard enough without the added burden of juggling your child’s learning and your own job – all from home! And girl, I don’t want this moment to pass by without your child achieving the success they deserve. Read on to learn more about 5 things you need to start doing that will make remote learning/virtual learning a LOT less suck-y.
1 – Remember their brain isn’t yet fully developed
Here’s your friendly reminder that middle schoolers are still developing. With all of their opinions and often outspoken natures, it makes sense that we’d also expect them to be able to manage themselves during virtual learning. While I wish I could magically bestow these powers upon all middle schoolers, it just doesn’t work that way.
While children to begin developing executive function skills from a very young age, the brain isn’t fully developed until our mid-20s. The frontal lobe, which is the CEO of executive functioning skills, doesn’t yet have all of the skills it needs for middle schoolers to be expert planners, organizers, and task rabbits.
What that means for tweens and teens is that most of them will have to put a lot more work in to independently navigate tasks. What that means for you as a parent is that your job is to help them use those skills more consistently, especially during virtual learning.
Be patient with your tween and remember that they’re still learning. View this in a similar fashion to how you might view them learning to walk or to read – and give them some grace when they make those inevitable mistakes.
Many systems to support the development of these skills are built into a typical school day, so it’s incredibly helpful for you to recreate the school vibe at home in as many ways as humanly possible. Which leads me into my next point…
2 – Create a learning-only zone.
Perhaps the most challenging part of virtual learning for middle schoolers is that home is not home anymore – it’s school. But the best thing you can do for them is to create a sacred space that is just for school. Whether that is a dedicated work zone, or an area that you transform each morning, it’s going to be crucial for their success that they have access to an area that works well for them to sit down and have focused time to work.
And I mean, do it up! Teachers spend tons of time making their classrooms beautiful, comfortable spaces where students love to be. Add visual elements that make it really clear that it’s the school @ home zone – posters, a special curtain over the doorway, really anything works. The goal here is to find a way to clearly show that the workspace you’ve chosen is just for working. If it’s a space like the dining room table that serves a dual purpose, trying making those visual elements portable – like posters or a trifold board with inspirational quotes.
What that does is kind of nudge the brain into thinking “it’s time to work!” whenever your middle schooler sits down in that spot. And make sure they have every possible tool they might need – pens, pencils, colored pencils, laptop/tablet/computer, chargers. You don’t want to give them any reason to have to get up and down to constantly go find supplies. For portable solutions, consider using a large crate or even packing a backpack that holds all of their needed materials.
Post the schedule for the day on the wall and add reminder notifications on an alarm clock or on whatever device they’re using for virtual learning. You know how the bells ring at school to remind them that it’s time to transition to another class? Well, they exist because middle schoolers (and teachers, too! *slowly raises hand*) need the reminders to help them keep track of time during the day. Create a similar system at home to limit how many reminders you personally have to give them.
Oh, and make this a no phone zone. Phones aren’t used during the school day at many schools and they are an unnecessary distraction when present. One of the executive function skills that tweens struggle with most is focus, so help them make their lives easier. Have your middle schooler pop that phone on the charger in another room and tell your child it’s time to work! The messages, notifications, and games will be there when it’s time for a break or at the end of the day (your choice, mama!).
3 – Have regular check ins
They might initially fight you on this, but teachers check in with them on a regular basis at school. We’re constantly asking them questions, checking in on progress with longer assignments, and generally trying to keep a pulse on how things are going with our students. This is much, much harder through a computer, so it likely isn’t happening quite as often as it normally would.
On a regular basis, sit down with your child to check in on their grades and other progress with their classes. I’d recommend doing this 1-2 times per week. Have them check/respond to/delete emails and make sure everything is on the up and up with each of their classes.They should walk you through whatever online platform they use for virtual learning and show you their assignment completion status, most recent grades, and any upcoming assignments or assessments.
Read this blog post for more detail on what these check ins could look like (and for other tips on how to help your child accept more personal responsibility for their learning).
The key here is NOT to make it feel like a punishment. The goal is to remind them they you’re on their team and you want to make sure this period of virtual learning goes as smoothly as possible for them. When these check ins become a regular part of their week, it can help keep them (and you) from becoming overwhelmed. When they know to look forward to the regular occurrence of something, it normalizes the experience and limits frustration and overwhelm.
4 – Use a giant calendar
Seriously – giant.
You want to place this calendar in a highly visible location so that you and your middle schooler and see and reference it regularly. When you have those check in meetings, update it (and encourage them to update it outside of those times as well). Ask them to tell you what should be added to the calendar and make sure it’s fully updated daily.
You want to add anything that might impact their day. Think: upcoming tests/quizzes, major assignment deadlines, days off from school, and any other major appointments that might impact their ability to attend class or get work done. This will help them with long term planning, which is a key executive function skill that middle schoolers develop independence with during adolescence.
Some kids might also benefit from adding events and reminders to an online calendar as well. My favorite to use is Google Calendar, but use what works best for you! Take a peek at this blog post for more of my tips on time management (including tips on Google Calendar/Google Keep!).
5 – Remember that this isn’t permanent
Sometimes, good enough is good enough. And done is better than perfect. You and your middle schooler didn’t ask for this situation and it will one day come to an end. Give yourself grace and give them permission to go easy on themselves. The best either of you can do each day is to keep showing up and giving it the best you’ve got. Some days, that will be 100%. Other days, it’ll be 50%. But show up consistently and get as much done as you can. Use those 100% days to your advantage, keep up with the systems you’ve created, and you’ll be just fine.
I think you and I would agree that virtual learning is < “normal” school, but these 5 points should help make it less sucky. I want your child to experience whatever success they desire and to keep strengthening those executive function skills along the way. If you want some extra guidance with this, I’d love to help! Sign up for a free consultation with me to chat more about my executive function coaching services.
You’ve got this!
Until next time,
