Hey boo!
Hallelujah, holla back – we are in the final stretch of this semester! I am next-level teacher tired right now and I haven’t met a mom this year that isn’t exhausted with trying to help their babies make it through whatever their COVID version of school looks like. Many of you are desperately trying to find ways to support your tween at school.
I’ve received a lot of frantic emails from moms wondering how to help their child finish out this semester strong. Even more interesting, though? I’ve received far less communication from my students asking for the same assistance!
I know you have more than enough on your plate already. Why should you also be your child’s (way underpaid!) executive assistant? Read on to find tips to help your middle schooler finish the semester out strong (without them being overly reliant on you!).
1 – Let them be the first one to ask their teachers for support.
I have good news and bad news for you.
Your tween is capable of navigating most conversations with their teachers independently.
The bad news is that this is yet another reminder that your sweet baby is growing up.
The good news here is that this means less work for you!
I’ve got a few questions for you. Ready? Can your tween text? Can they beg you for permission to do something they really want – or to buy something they really want? Are they able to talk at all? If you answered yes to any of those, then they can definitely communicate assertively.
If they are attending school face to face (or if they can hop on a zoom call), role play with them how they might approach the conversation.
Pro Tip: Ask them which role they’d like to play. No matter what role they choose, play dumb and have them tell you what you should say. This gets them thinking about possible responses from both sides, which could be great insight for you and is empowering for them.
If your tween is attending school virtually and/or if email communication is most comfortable for them, talk to them about what a well-written email to a teacher looks like, then have them send it themselves. Emphasis on – have them send it themselves!
Having them be the first to reach out is a good idea for a few reasons:
- It keeps you out of the middle of a situation that you don’t really need to be in the middle of yet.
- It teaches your child responsibility and gives them an opportunity to practice assertive communication.
Need an easy to follow script for them to follow? Check out this blog post from Katie over at School Habits and share the tips with your tween!
2 – Have a Success Meeting & Help Them Make a Plan
If you aren’t already having regular conversations with your child about their grades, get one on the calendar.
*record scratch*
Oh yes ma’am, I said get one on the calendar. I call it a Success Meeting, but you can call it whatever floats your boat. Treat it like a business meeting. Let them know that you want to sit down with them to talk about their grades and how you can support them. Give them two date/time options that work for you in the next week and have them pick the one that speaks to them (or that they just hate the least).
Allowing them to have some choice in when this happens is a huge part of having them buy into having the conversation at all. Feel free let them know you’ll reward them with something they really love (that’s within your means) if they really engage with you!
Now get some snacks ready (my favorite Success Meetings are ones that come with snacks!). When you sit down to chat, ask a lot of open ended questions. Yes/no questions are too easy for them to wiggle out of! Talk about things like their grades, what’s coming up in the next week or two, and how you can help. Here are some questions you might ask:
- What are your grades right now?
- What is going well for you at school? What do you wish was going better?
- Which classes do you think you could do better in?
- What grade would you like to earn in (class)? What can you do in the next week to push you closer to that?
- What work do you have due in the next few days? What is your plan to complete it and get it turned in?
- How can I support you to help you reach your goals?
(As always – if they say “IDK”, respond with “If you did know, what would you say?” or “How might you find the answer to that?”)
If you’re reading this right at the end of the semester, I’d recommend having these 1-2 times per week if your child has fallen behind and has the opportunity to complete makeup work. Beyond that, you can have these Success Meetings whenever you want!
They’re great to help you keep a pulse on what’s going on at school – both socially and academically. And they’re a really sneaky way for you to encourage your child to a) think about these things in concrete ways and b) feel like they have some control over their own learning.
P.S. – I have a free guide to help you navigate some of these tough conversations (there are even some conversation starters in there for talking about grades!). You can grab it here!
3 – Hold Them Accountable (In the Most Empathetic Way Possible)
Now that you’ve got a plan in place and they’re (hopefully) working diligently toward it, your job is to help hold them accountable.
Many schools these days have some sort of online platform (think: Google Classroom, Schoology, Canvas, etc.) that can help kids keep up with their work and track their grades. Schools often provide parents access to their own parent versions of these accounts. Check with your school and see what access you are able to get and take a peek at what’s going on.
Your tween likely has access to it on their end. Check in with them and ask them what grades they’ve gotten back this week or what they’ve completed this week.
If you see that they aren’t sticking to the plan you came up with in your most recent Success Meeting, ask them what’s going on! Keep in mind that you want to remain empathetic, but firm Consider saying something like:
- Remember when we met to talk about your plan for this week? You said you would do (x, y, z). I know that you can do it and it’s important to me that you stick to your commitments. What’s keeping you from getting this done?
- What can I do to help you?
- It’s due on (date). What do you need to do to make sure that happens?
Try out these tips and let me know how they work for you! If you want to talk to other moms about what’s going on with your middle schooler, I’ve got just the place for you! Join my free, private Facebook group, dedicated to helping moms like you connect with one another.
Talk Soon,
Ashley
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