“You work with middle schoolers? Bless you.” 

“WHEW – I couldn’t be you. Middle schoolers are crazy.”

“OMG you have a 12 year old?? Honey, I’m praying for ya.”

“I don’t know how you work with middle schoolers all day.” 

 

How often have you heard these statements or ones just like them? 

I like to keep it real around here, so I’m not going to sugar coat the fact that middle schoolers are a tough crowd. But I also know that there is so much more to them than meets the eye. And honestly, they deserve a lot more love from society. 

I want to normalize some middle school behavior and help you see the goodness that exists beneath that tough exterior. Read on to learn the 5 things I think make middle schoolers pretty darn amazing (and that you’ll want to remember on those really tough days). 

 

#1: They aren’t just lazy. 

They just don’t have the skills yet to plan and prioritize. They sleep a ton because they need more sleep and because their circadian rhythms (which help us have regular sleep patterns) are all wonky. They will go to the ends of the earth for things that they view as important (think about how committed they tend to be to their friends, their video games, and learning all those TikTok dances). They have to be taught which other things are less exciting, but still high priorities, and learn how to find balance between doing what you really want to do and what you HAVE to do. So let’s give them some grace as we help them develop that ability. 

#2: They love learning. 

See: TikTok dances. 

Seriously, they love to learn. I haven’t met a single child in 10+ years of working with students that didn’t WANT to learn. What I HAVE seen is that middle schoolers who struggle with learning are more easily frustrated and shut down. And what happens is that we begin to view them as not wanting to learn or not caring about learning. Sure, that may be exactly what it seems like on the surface. But the next time you find yourself wondering if that’s the case, ask yourself what might lie beneath the surface.

What you’re likely to find is a middle schooler that very much wants to learn, but is having a hard time grasping a concept or navigating learning in a classroom setting. Another hard truth is that they’re just not interested in the information as it’s being presented.  Imagine how different they might be (and how different your interactions with them might be) if they had the support that they needed to help them learn without barriers or if information was presented in a way that makes them WANT to perk those ears up and listen in. I would bet good money that what you’d see is a very different child. 

#3: They’re still kids. 

I know, I know, those attitudes are large and in charge! But let’s remember that they’ve been around for less than 15 years. DASSIT! Their brains are still developing (and will be until they’re in their 20’s). They’re honestly just toddlers in bigger bodies with more well formed opinions and the burning desire to share them.

 Middle schoolers still need you. 

And they still have SO much to learn about the world. 

This doesn’t mean that you should baby them, by any means. But it does mean that it’s time to rethink what they are truly able to do independently. 

Most middle schoolers are still going to need reminders and accountability to help them build good habits – as frustrating as providing those constant reminders might seem. So instead of responding to yet another night of forgotten homework with “OMG why do we have to go through this everyday?? You should know this by now!”, try starting a conversation with a question like “What do you need to get done today?” or “What do you need to do to make sure you get your homework turned in tomorrow?”. You’re likely to get a must different response from them and, added bonus, you help to reinforce a skill that actually gets the homework done and turned in. 

 

#4: What you model for middle schoolers matters more than they let on. 

I hear a lot about how toddlers and younger children are like sponges, but I would add that middle schoolers are, too. They look at how the adults around them communicate, how they navigate the world, and what habits they form. And I would even go so far as to say that that’s more impactful than what they see their friends doing.

Ask yourself what you want them to be really amazing at doing. Then dig deep and figure out how often they see you doing that thing. For some kids, they’ll need more targeted instruction to build some skills. But for many kids (and many skills), they’ll pick up on what you do most often and strive to do those same things – good or bad. 

 

#5: Their thoughts and opinions deserve to be heard. 

I think a huge part of the reason that we have to deal with so much attitude is because they don’t feel like we listen. My belief is that all behavior is communication and delivering a message with an attitude is absolutely signaling something to us. When we give middle schoolers the space to make choices, share their opinions, and provide insight, we teach them that their voices matter to us. And they absolutely should! 

As adults, we have a huge task before us – to nurture children who are capable of leading us into the future. And let me tell ya, I don’t want anybody leading the world when I’m old and gray that can’t confidently share their (well-informed) thoughts and opinions. We deserve to give them space to express themselves and to have a say as often as possible in choices and decisions that directly impact them. You might be surprised what you learn from them. 

 

So there you have it – 5 things that can have a major impact on how you view tweens and (baby) teens. I hope this encourages you to find more to love about this wacky stage and helps you better understand the middle schooler living under your own roof. If you’re interested in connecting with other moms of middle schoolers (and me!) I’d love to talk more with you about this in my free Facebook community created just for moms like you. Click here to join the conversation! 

 

Until next time, 

Ashley