“MY LORD, Ashley – that boy is LAZY!”
That’s what a former coworker groaned to me about one of the students I worked with pretty regularly.
And on the surface, it sure seemed that way. He had a lot of trouble turning things in, required several reminders to get started on a task, and REALLY struggled to push through on longer tasks once he did get started.
What she didn’t know was that he had a lot going on beneath his surface. Several processing challenges, a history of trauma, and a learning disability impacted his ability to efficiently use key executive function skills. So while he was capable of doing the work she asked, he had a lot of trouble understanding her directions, knowing how to get himself started when roadblocks presented themselves, feeling confident in his ability to actually complete assigned tasks.
Can we get real for a second? Yes? Okay.
Your middle schooler isn’t just lazy.
Most of the time there are very real underlying reasons behind why middle schoolers procrastinate. And guess what? I’ve got 10 of them coming in hot for you right now. Read on for more!
Reason 1: The task they have to complete is boring to them.
Sometimes, the thing they’re asked to do isn’t high on their list of priorities. And let’s be honest – this happens to us as adults, too! The common response is to say something like “Well, we all have to do boring things sometimes.” And for some kids, that works! But the focus should be on teaching them skills to navigate this mindset block with ease.
Reason 2: They aren’t feeling confident in their ability to complete the task.
If your middle schooler is presenting with a challenging task, it’s very possible that their confidence might be shaken. And a lack of confidence presents a huge block to moving forward! And, moment of full honesty here, I feel this OFTEN when I’m trying something new or difficult for me. Consider what your child might need in that moment – do they need encouragement? Do they need to take a break and come back to it?
Reason 3: The task is too challenging for them.
Reality is that sometimes the things kids are being asked to do really are too hard for them. In my own classroom, I’ve been guilty of creating assignments like this! (sorry, kids!).
When this happens, it presents a great opportunity for your child to consider what parts of the task they CAN do and what parts they can do with help from a parent, teacher, tutor, or friend. Combat the shutdown by asking them to find just one thing at a time that they can do alone. Focus on those FIRST – then focus on having them reach out for support.
Reason 4: Their environment has too many distractions.
When your middle schooler has to choose between several REALLY high interest activities and something that is lower on the list of things they want to do, they’re already set up for failure!
What distractions are around when they need to get started on an assignment or other task? Get those outta there! Work with them to make a list of things that distract them and brainstorm with them things they can do to avoid those distractions when it’s time to get things done. Your middle schooler is bound to have more success when they don’t have other, more exciting, pretty, shiny things competing for their attention.
Reason 5: They’re overwhelmed.
Kids today are SO busy! They are balancing school, friendships, extracurricular activities, etc. and don’t always know how to manage it all. And when they are overwhelmed, it can feel much easier to shut down until action absolutely must occur. Most middle schoolers won’t know inherently how to balance all of their commitments. They need to be taught the skills necessary for them to successfully juggle all of these things!
Reasons 6 & 7: They overestimate or underestimate how much time it’ll take them to complete the task.
A lack of time awareness is one of the challenges I see most from my students that chronically procrastinate. When they overestimate how much time a task will take, that can lead to overwhelm and cause them to kind of freeze in place. When they underestimate how much time a task will take, that can cause them to put it off until the very last minute – and then feel like they’re drowning.
Reason 8: They’re afraid of failure.
It can be so hard for some middle schoolers to navigate a fear of failure. That fear can have roots in many different areas – sometimes it’s about disappointing themselves, disappointing you, worries about how their friends will perceive them if they fail, worrying about how their teachers will respond if they fail, or even worries about how failure will impact their ability to participate in the activities they love the most. What it can result in, though, is an avoidance of the task that is bringing up all of those emotions.
Reason 9: They’re focused on perfection.
Okay, so, this one was HARD to write about because this is one that I still struggle with sometimes! When we are focused on things being absolutely perfect, it can cause overwhelm, frustration, and shutdown. It’s very easy to get bogged down in small details that aren’t always a key part of you being able to complete the task when you’re more focused on getting every single detail done perfectly. Remind your middle schooler that, sometimes, done is better than perfect.
Reason 10: The directions aren’t clear to them.
When the directions aren’t crystal clear, some middle schoolers will shut down. For middle schoolers with executive function challenges in the area of task initiation, it is already a challenge to visualize the end goal. Couple that with unclear directions and you’ll end up with a disappointed adult and confused & upset child. When emotions are strong, it can be difficult to move past them and back into a place of productivity. That struggle to move back into productivity may present itself as procrastination.
Challenge yourself to look for alternate explanations the next time you’re thinking your middle schooler is being lazy.
Ask yourself what else could be going on. Listen – I know how frustrating it can be to continually wonder why middle schoolers procrastinate and then watch them over and over again. It’s important to remember that they’re still children (see other reminders on my previous blog post, 5 Things I Wish People Knew About Middle Schoolers) and that they need help building skills. It’s also important to remember that there really is more than meets the eye when it comes to procrastination. When you can figure out the underlying issue, you’re able to view the situation from a different perspective and begin to figure out how to combat the issue at hand.
And if you’re OVER the procrastination and want some support, I’m here to help! Send me an email (ashley@middlerific.com) and we can chat more about how coaching can help. For support from moms just like you (and maybe just a comfy shoulder to lean on while you vent), I’d love to have you join us in my free, private Facebook community just for middle school moms.
Until next time,
